For most of the time spent running my company, I was unable to distinguish between control and power. I believed that these were mutually dependent and proportionate conditions. Not ‘control’ in the sense of being non-deferential. Deference was never an issue. It was ‘control’ in an emotional sense – the inability to let go – the desire to control every circumstance. There is a tendency to connect ‘letting go’ with disempowerment. With maturity, in the later years of my stewardship, I increasingly understood that control and power are inversely related. That power was dependent on having a willingness to relinquish control. A willingness to let go.
There is an essential distinction between ‘relinquishing’ and having a willingness to relinquish control. When we have a willingness to relinquish control, we can use rational deliberation and discretion – and power can be retained or optimized. I grew to believe that having this willingness is essential to the durability of a business or a brand.
This relationship between control and power increasingly presented itself through my introduction to mindful practice or mindful meditation. We gain awareness through ‘mindful practice.’ Becoming increasingly aware that we can empower ourselves and our organizations through improved effectiveness when we detach from control, served my company well. There are times when we better serve our companies by controlling their circumstances, and there are times when we better serve our companies by relinquishing control. Unless we are ‘willing’ to relinquish control, we can never make this distinction. If ego is the obstacle to relinquishing control, then ego works against empowerment, and it works against the health and well-being of our companies.
To be clear, mindfulness itself is not a relinquishment of control. Dr. Tim Carey makes this point in an article published in April, of 2016, in ‘Psychology Today.’ Dr. Carey points out that giving up control, as often stated in mindfulness, requires control. He says, “It requires directing attention to focus on the present moment and paying attention to experiences as they arise without judging them or labeling them in any way.” This requirement is a control process. So, in its application to business, the point is not whether the relationship between mindfulness and control is paradoxical, as Dr. Carey suggests. It is that as we gain awareness through mindful practice, we can more effectively execute the rational deliberation or discretion that is essential to relinquishing control. From mindful practice, we can achieve the wisdom to recognize when to relinquish control, and this is most effective only when there is an unfettered willingness to do so. This wisdom is where the power lies – not in control itself.
We tend to believe that the more we control, the more power we have. Conversely, as my business matured, I increasingly found that empowerment lies in the space between wisdom and freedom – the wisdom of knowing when to relinquish control, and the freedom to do so, once known. The wisdom side of the equation comes from our rational or ‘thinking selves,’ and the freedom side comes from our emotional or ‘feeling selves.’ Regular mindful practice nurtures and develops both of these.
Wisdom and freedom alone do not cause an inversion in the relationship between power and control in the workplace. It is still possible with wisdom and freedom fully realized, maintaining control could be the best decision for optimizing effectiveness or power. The inversion would occur in dismissing the tendency to conflate control and power – to understand that power is the ability to let go of control, not to retain it. As we move across the continuum of increased wisdom and emotional freedom and are more aware of when to take and when to relinquish control, we are likely to relinquish control more often. And more importantly, as we shed the constraints of ego, we are likely to create the conditions by which we can benefit from relinquishing control. These conditions may include hiring people that we believe are smarter and more capable than we are – people with complementary skill sets. There may be an improved ability to attract and retain key employees, and for talent and engagement levels to become positive correlates. The same willingness may involve embracing our dispensability.
As we create these conditions and relinquish control, we are empowered. The relinquishing of control and the creation of circumstances by which we can benefit from relinquishing control are the inversion of the relationship between control and power. It seems we are less compelled to exert control over others when we are more effectively under control, ourselves.
